Here We Are

Today is the start of a new adventure, and I want to tell you a story.

My story. The story of how I got to this place of creating this space.

Back in 2006, I found adoption paperwork on our family’s printer next to our desktop computer. I was giddy and confused and seeking answers. As soon as I saw my mother, I cornered her to ask about the papers. Instead of answering, she scheduled a family meeting.

With my two older sisters, my younger brother, and I sitting in the living room with our parents, we were told that our family was beginning the adoption process to internationally adopt a sibling group under the age of 6 years. We all felt different, big feelings at this declaration; personally I was exploding from excitement and glee and dreams coming true.

A year later when both my older sisters were in college, my brother, my parents, and I flew to Taiwan to bring my new three little brothers home. They were 5 years old and 6 year-old-twin brothers. Their cuteness gave me all the warm, fuzzy feelings, and their trauma-related behavioral problems left me sobbing alone in my bed. On October 25, 2007, we flew home with them (while I am making this story quick – let me be clear – I could write 5,000 words about that flight alone).

I mistakenly thought that life would be pretty much the same as life pre-adoption. I thought we were just adding three little boys to our family. What I did not yet realize was that it is impossible to add three new family members – let alone family members who have experienced early-life trauma – without changing everything about our family system. Everything changed. I changed, my family changed, my relationships changed, my role changed, my responsibilities changed. With these changes came grief over all that was lost before I ever knew I was at risk of losing anything.

Two years of creating a new “normal” (which looked drastically different than any other family’s “normal”), surviving crisis after crisis, and living in the trenches, my parents flew to Ethiopia to bring home my 6-year-old sister, 5-year-old brother, and 2-year-old brother while I stayed home to care for my brothers. They came home. We transitioned again. Created a new family system with three more additions. Floundered at dealing with new issues, new crises, and new histories.

Then I went to college, and I knew that I knew – after experiencing what was happening in my home – that I wanted to become a post-adoption therapist to help families like mine, to help children like my siblings heal from their trauma histories, and to help parents understand their children’s needs. So I did. In the meantime, I flew with my dad to bring home my seventh and final brother from Ghana.

Seven internationally adopted siblings in four years. Crazy, right? Probably even foolish. But I love my siblings more than anything else in the world. And I love what they gave me.

My siblings gave me perspective – they opened my eyes to the brokenness of this world, the trauma that seems almost pervasive, and the uncontrollable devastation so many children face. My siblings showered me with unconditional love – they taught me the healing that relationships can bring, the power of joy, and the need to be surrounded with love and encouragement. My siblings were my motivation to become a caseworker, a social worker, a therapist, a PhD student, an experimental psychologist – all to help support children and families like my own.

My siblings gave me a gift, and I hope to share it with you in this space.